Yep. I've already received the feared ELCITWO Quiz 1 paper, and in case you haven't noticed, I got a DAMN 3 out of 100. See, told ya I was older than my score.
The Quiz Booklet
It was as if my prayers were answered, I did not have to wait for long before i received my paper. And yes, it was a 3. 3...putsa, hindi man lang umabot ng line of 1. Of course my blockmates asked me for my score, i said, and without hesitation...
"3 ako"
"Line of 3?"
"Hinde, 3 lang seryoso."
Of course i could not help it. My voice was trembling a bit when I talked with my seatmates about their scores. The highest was a 68. The lowest in the batch, mine, I guess. It looked like the professor pitied my "Neat" quiz booklet and placed a 3, sayang naman ang tinta ng ballpen ko. But i did not allow myself to breakdown any further, ...emotional training, emotional preparation.... And then i got hold of myself. Everytime someone asks us for our scores, i would say, with a smile (not sarcastically), 3 LANG AKO! GALENG NO? LOWEST AKO SA BATCH! I guess i got over it, i did not feel too bad or down that day even though i got the lowest in the batch. I should not, because I still have a quiz that afternoon.
What went wrong?
I guess i kinda expected my score to be within that range right after i took ELCITWO quiz 1. I did not answer anything, i got too focused on part 2 (The part were i was given my 3 pts) because it was needed to solve part 3. I did not notice that there was a part 5. No points were given in part 4. I went home right after the quiz, I was almost in tears (read:ALMOST).
What went wrong? I did not solve problems beforehand. There was no time management.Did not examing the test paper carefully. Did not even write ANYTHING for partial points. Mental block. There was nobody else to blame, but myself.
What i did the afternoon after i took the ELCITWO quiz
I Slept. It was what E_kyub told me if ever there was something deeply bothering me. After I woke up, I still felt bad, REALLY BAD. I prayed seriously, watched TV, wrote about it, blogged about it, Ate, and i still could not keep it out of my head. I had to study for a quiz that evening, and i can't because of what i was feeling. I felt really bad because i was thinking, Tang ina, ako na ata ang lowest sa batch namin. Nakakahiya, Nakakahiya. Nasagutan nila, ako hindi. Ang bobo ko. Hindi ko ata kakayaning bumagsak. Hindi ako ganito, nakakahiya, nakakahiya. Mukhang irreg na ako..Mahirap nang bumawi
The next day, I sort of got over it. I was able to study for my examinations for that day.
Emotional preparation, WTF?
I did not feel all that bad. I dunno, maybe because I emoted way before the results were out. I kinda accepted it already. I did bad in the quiz, and there's no one else to blame but myself. I was anticipating the day that the results were given out, and how I was going to react my score. Tanggap ko na, bagsak ako. Lowest ako, at mas matanda ako sa score ko. Kaya huwag nang masyadong mag-eemote. Walang manyayari. Bawi nalang....kahit impossible
Of course, there is this factor where almost all of the class got VERY low scores, (even the sharp ones). At least, you wouldn't pity yourself too much. And of course, your friends who are trying their best to cheer you up. Weird thing though, when one of them tried to cheer me up, there is this lump that keeps popping in my throat. But still having friends to cheer you up are a lot of help. I guess i should be really thankful.
It also helps when you tell someone. I texted E_kyub and joke with Charlou about it.
And of course, writing about it in your blog...hehe...
What now?
The next quiz is on this Saturday. I should try to make up for my score, even though its kinda impossible since the coverage for the second exam is WAY TOO LONG, and i couldn't understand a thing as of writing. Bagsak ako o hindi sa ELCITWO, who knows. Bagsak kung bagsak, pasa kung pasa. There's nothing i could do with the 3, (except of course to write about it), all i could do is study, and try to do better in the next exam, and pray for a miracle to happen.
Kailangang Bumawi. Mahirap, pero kailangan.
*cross posted sa LJ